Shame on you, Shame on Me.
By George M Weinert V
Feb 24, 2006

Today we're going to be talking about "Shame" amongst our dear Arab Brethren.

Remember when Johnny went into my desk drawer last month and helped himself to a few Snickers Bars when no one was around-and then when Sally told on him but he denied it, I had to scold him and said "NOW SHAME ON YOU FOR STEALING AND SHAME ON YOU FOR FIBBING ABOUT IT TOO!"?

Then Johnny started to cry and said he was sorry and would never do it again? That was an example of SHAME - or we can say he was "Ashamed" of what he had done - this is when you just FEEL BAD and start to cry and your nose starts to run at the same time and you need lots of kleenex and pee in your pants.

Well our Arab friends have a BIG PROBLEM WITH THIS (not the little kids though, the BIG PEOPLE!) so Let's begin our lesson for today by examining the Concept of "Arab Shame".

"Arab society is the shame society" (3). As the former Egyptian President Nasser noted on March 3, 1955: "We are a people that never forgets if it has been injured, but the injury to us increases our determination and stubbornness" (3). According to Hamady the Arabs follow the formula: "Shame must be avoided; if it strikes, then it must be hidden; if it is exposed, then it must be avenged" (3). What can be a greater shame to the Arabs than the creation of Israel by the Jews, the people that they always despised and considered to be a "dhimmi" people? The whole world witnessed their shame. They were unable to avoid it and they were unable to hide it. (1,)

We are a people that never forgets if it has been injured, but the injury to us increases our determination and stubbornness (2.)

(3). According to Hamady the Arabs follow the formula: "Shame must be avoided; if it strikes, then it must be hidden; if it is exposed, then it must be avenged";

(Reference:
1. Information Division, Israel Foreign Ministry Political-Security Cabinet Communiqué, June 2, 2001.
http://www.mfa.gov.il
2. Moshe Arens: "Oslo - a monumental error."; Ha'aretz Newspaper -- 30 May 2001
3. John Laffin. "The Arab Mind Considered."; Taplinger Publishing Company, New York, 1975)

"Determination and Stubbornness"? In Elemantary School we refer to this as BD (Behavioral Disorders) Now if you behave like that in MY CLASSROOM I would say you are POUTING and you can:

1) Pout all day standing in the cloak room or in the corner
2) Pout in the principals office and even after school if you want
3) Pout for an ENTIRE WEEK While I have you suspended
(Although if this sort of problem is persistent you will be seeing the School Psychologist and the Nurse)

Let's examine this seemingly ubiquitous Behavior Disorder so prevalent amongst Arab "Societies" in a bit more detail:

From World Magazine excerpts from "THROUGH ARAB EYES"

By Bob Jones

"It's a refrain that's heard again and again, this uncomfortable mixture of gratitude, shame, and uncertainty. Another man, watching his young daughter play on a nearly empty beach, tries to make sense of the contradictions: "We are glad for America, because we know that we need her. But we don't understand her, and we wish not to need her anymore.... If we feel angry, I think it is because we feel small. We are tired of feeling this way."

Even as he heaps on the praise, however, it's obvious that a "but" is on the way. "But we feel ashamed," he continues. "For Arab people, for Muslim people, it is a shame to need this help from the outside. It is a shame to be beaten so quickly, like a kind of little fly. And we wonder what will happen when we are the fly. Maybe America will be tired of our buzzing. What will happen to us then?"

The man on the beach is more generous: "Once we were great, but now America is the only great power," he says with a tone of nostalgic resignation. "We hope we can learn to solve our own problems, as Arabs, with no help from the outside."

1) And so we can add "uncertainty" (and they really mean FEAR) to the mix of this societal psychological disorder. In a bizarre juxtaposition of values it appears that the Entire Arab Alley (Friedman uses "Basement" so why go to the next logical journalistic plane?) feels that in some strange mystical sense it was:

2) NOT IRAQ and HUSSEIN THAT HAS BEEN DEFEATED AND HUMILIATED
3) NOT TYRANNY AND DICTATORSHIP THAT HAS BEEN BLASTED TO OBLIVION
4) NOT MURDER, RAPE AND TORTURE THAT HAS BEEN ELIMINATED

If the truth is known most Arab Societies tend to overlook these deficits of a governmental system (since they have been commonplace in Arab Societies for centuries) as long as their system of governance is accepted as 'legitimate" - which is a post-modernist term that boils down to "it works". (like here in Chicago - when you need a new garbage can, you go to the alderman and ask for one and since you get it, you vote for the bum even though you know he's a crook) In other words, if 1 enough of the populace has money, jobs, food and housing (but not garbage cans because the Arabs can't afford any alleys and the entire country is a garbage can anyway) they don't really care too much about 'human rights' as they are conceived of in the Western Democracies.

Additionally, in societies where more than HALF THE PEOPLE ARE ILLITERATE folks really are not TOO WORRIED about "Freedom of the Press" - they can't read the papers anyway and are thus content to be SPOON FED by the 'Information Ministry" with the latest government propaganda. Since only Morocco and possibly Qatar can boast of a truly "Free" Press one can comprehend the difficulty.

The maddening part is that the "Feeling of Smallness and Shame - feeling like a little fly" is indeed perpetuated by the majority of the Arab governments and their DISMAL RECORD ON EDUCATION.

And it is imperative to understand that part of this 'shame' is in "Needing help from the outside" -

WHAT IS SO SHAMEFUL ABOUT THAT?

ASKING FOR (OR NEEDING) HELP IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!

Let's move on - but put the bubble gum away for now, Johnny(and stop pulling Mary's hair)!

From "Islam On Line::
By Tarek A. Ghanem
Freelance writer - Cairo

As America plunges into its lowest of moral grounds, Arab governments join it. The fear of the sounds, smells and images of bombardments disturbing the already Hobbesian and short life of the Iraqis is no different from what people feel in the Arab world. The Arab despotic governments, exceeding in shame and indignity, have divorced all self-respecting values and sympathy, not only for Iraq, but for their own infuriated people.

But for the Arab world there is another war between both authority and will. As Arab protesters march their bodies and align their command to save the remains of Iraq, they have also demonstrated their simple minded future vision; "today Iraq, tomorrow us." Right. The simple man in the Arab street sees his coming destiny in this flux. Whether directly or indirectly, giving approval to ostentatiously supercilious America will make things only worse; be it for Iraq, Palestine, or whatever Arab or Muslim country that will put its head in the sand.

My dear friend Jerry from Jordan (an Orthodox Christian) is fond of telling me, "You are like the Camel!" when we reach an impasse in our at times heated discussions on these topics; however it's time that we ALL get out heads out of the sand.

The "Arab Shame" concept is not only individual, but societal and governmental as well. This author has often used '"Simpleton" and "simple minded" to describe Arab attitudes and ideas on international politics and is answered with cries of :"RACIST"! - I would invite my critics to contact Mr. Ghanem with the same charge.

Ths "simple man in the Arab street" feels this sense of shame not only for himself, but for

(a) his 'country' (which is a dubious concept at best)
(b) his "people" (which is in reality even more dubious)
(c) as well as "Islam" (which is the most poorly defined concept of them all!)

(3). According to Hamady the Arabs follow the formula: "Shame must be avoided; if it- strikes, then it must be hidden; if it is exposed, then it must be avenged"; (3). What can be a greater shame to the Arabs than the creation of Israel by the Jews, the people that they always despised and considered to be a people? The whole world witnessed their shame. They were unable to avoid it and they were unable to hide it.
Laffin wrote that, "The depth of emotions involved in Arab feelings is clearly shown in an utterance of the Shiite Chief Mujtahid of Iraq in August of 1938. In declaring a jihad for Palestine (a decade before the creation of Israel) he said that fighting would be a duty of everybody and that if the Arabs lost they would suffer 'humiliation, death and eternal shame';(3). The Arabs lost to the Jews not once, they lost several times.
This could be avenged only through a final Victory.

The pitiful part is that the Muslims refuse to accept that the "Final Victory" is only a wet dream - it shall never see fruition. If faced with destruction, Israel has (and has had) a plan in place that will obliterate the entire Arab/Muslim world within hours - but maybe they just want their 72 virgins eh?

Complex problems indeed - that would seem to demand a complex solution - but how does Dar-al-Salaam view this?

"In an utterance of the Shiite Chief Mujtahid of Iraq in August of 1938. In declaring a jihad for Palestine (a decade before the creation of Israel) he said that fighting would be a duty of everybody and that if the Arabs lost they would suffer 'humiliation, death and eternal shame';(3).

The Arabs lost to the Jews not once, they have always lost. Egypt and Jordan came to terms with this long ago, but the whackos in Iran and Saudi Arabia still preach about the 'annihilation of the Jew State" in a total denial of reality.

Their "eternal shame" could be avenged only through a final Victory.

"Shame is eliminated through revenge, and this is sanctioned by Islam (Koran, sura XI, 173):

"Believers. retaliation is decreed for you in bloodshed.";(3)

Can you see it now?

The "Terrorists" (along with a generous sampling of Arab "Leaders" and most acutely Arab "Journalists") are SIMPLETONS and so they look for SIMPLE SOLUTIONS and when they can't find them, they are FRIGHTENED!

And the Terrorists we hear so much about are just SCARED LITTLE KIDS!

And the "Protesters" we see flooding the Arab streets are REALLY SIMPLE (remember that 70% of them cannot READ OR WRITE) so are just BIG SCARED CHILDREN! Most of the Muslims are AFRAID OF THEIR OWN SHADOWS!

This is why they all gotta carry those BIG GUNS - they're SCARED! This is also a way to compensate for the tiny organ and erectile dysfunction difficulties that plague so many Muslims, but we'll address that problem in another lesson.

Their DREAD generates even MORE SHAME - ya know, like when you feel like a little baby in the first few grades because you are scared of the "Boogie Man" and ask Mommy to leave the light on at night? When you get a little older you feel like a BABY right? And you are ASHAMED of that feeling (it's called an "emotion").

But they look for "Simple" solutions - the "suicide bomber" is the SIMPLEST OF ALL - when you BLOW YOURSELF UP IT'S ALL OVER! Thus, the "Jihadist" is the GREATEST COWARD OF THE 21st CENTURY -

MUSLIMS FIGHT TO DIE BECAUSE:

THEY DON'T HAVE THE GUTS TO LIVE!

In closing regarding the "Great Shame" - from the West Bank:
(this is from an Israeli "Settler")

There is no way out for you, and no hope that your children will have it any better - in fact, even your youngest ones are coming home from school reciting the glories of spilling their blood. They haven't even begun to live, and they're looking to die already. They don't consult with their elders - the authority structure of centuries has been discarded and humiliated. One neighbor was shocked to find his daughter on the news - she had been recruited as a human bomb, had quietly left behind a promising future with a university education, had gone off and done the deed, all without his knowledge. Even the religious Muslims in your village are muttering uneasily - the young women too?

For years you have been living with the mounting shame at having been deceived so totally, the hopelessness at being trapped, the anger that has no outlet, the impotence of not being able to provide for your family, the fear that your teenage son will follow the death wish planted in his brain. You have been humiliated and used by the very people you trusted for glorious leadership - they have all become millionaires at the expense of a stillborn nation and are cynically using your troubles to get even richer.

By all social norms, your honor is irreparably damaged, you are not free to set things right or even to express your pain, and no one else in the world is interested. Why should you live any longer? Then someone stops by with an offer. It gives you the only way out of this trap, allows you a measure of honor in your community, and also the financial security for your family that you can't provide any other way. If you refuse, the same dilemma will be there, with the added shame that you will be looked on as a coward - or even worse, a Jew-lover...

Not hard to imagine what comes next. "The honourable Arab is the one who refuses to suffer shame and dies with dignity." It's just that the analysts are ignoring the source of the shame that has produced unheard-of numbers willing to die in order to escape it.

But why isn't Someone saying it for them? No Western pundit, world leader or tender-hearted liberal has had the courage to name the source of shame that has been imposed on the Palestinians by the Western pundits, the world leaders and the tender-hearted liberals. It falls to me, a despised Jewish settler, branded in world opinion as a racist Arab-hating war criminal, to say it.

* Do you think that this 'source of shame' may have something to do with the FIVE BILLION DOLLARS that Yessir Arafart STOLE and hid away while the poor people of Palestine suffered, or the truly pitiable chaos that is currently engulfing Gaza and the West Bank while the helpless Prime Minister Abu Mazen gets SHOT AT as he makes an public appearance and dumps in his drawers?

* Do you think that as the 'territories" of Palestine descend into internecine insanity and they begin to murder each other madly that Sharon is laughing like hell at their incompetence and final descent into Hades?

* Do you think that this "Shame" may have something to do with the harsh reality that THE WORLD IS LAUGHING AT YOU and EVEN LAUGHING AS WE BLAST YOU TO HELL?

The defenders of this truly insane ideology neglect to say that the "Honorable Arab" who BLOWS HIMSELF UP (as soon as he blows the Islamic Cleric) Is in reality actually the:

COWARDLY ARAB!

And thus the truth of the "Great Humiliation" is Arafart and his PLO bandits as well as the persistent False hubris of the cheap Islamic charities in responding to their needs - but we don't want to TALK ABOUT INDONESIA or the IRAN EARTHQUAKE and the response of the ISLAMIC CHARITIES - do we?

And these things lead to even MORE COMPUNCTION!

I'D BE ASHAMED TOO!
(this concept of shame actually pre-dates the founding of Israel and in fact dates back centuries but that shall be left for another essay-this is why many Arabs still talk of the "Crusades" though they took place 800 years ago - but they will often speak of them as if it these events occurred last week)

But these obsolescent attitudes do no good for anyone concerned. It's high time for the Arab World to face reality:

(a) Arafart Betrayed Palestine and the PA still steals all of their assets
(b) Khomeini Betrayed the Iranians and his Shi'a Clerics Enslaved the people (5.)
(c) The "Taliban" Betrayed the Muslims and led Afghanistan to devastation
(d) Every Arab faghib (big chief) has betrayed his People and led them into despondency(6.), poverty and now utter despair

Face it Dar-al-Salaam - the Haq! (Truth)

YOU GOT SCREWED!

The Arab Alley has gotten it right up the arse from their OWN LEADERS!

But there is:

Busharah!(good news)

What has just transpired in Iraq is NOT THE END FOLKS:

THIS IS THE BEGINNING!

It 's the inauguration of:

* Building and not Destroying
* Consensus and not combat
* Elections and not empire
* Education and not Ignorance
* Equal Opportunity for ALL Men AND Women AND not inequality
* Democracy and not Totalitarianism

But it's NOT GOING TO BE EASY - SO HOLD ON TIGHT! It's gonna be a LOT OF DAMNED HARD WORK - and there are gonna be times when you're so tired, disgusted and angry you're gonna be ready to throw in the towel and listen to such medieval ideas as:

* ISLAM IS THE SOLUTION
* A MONARCHY IS THE SOLUTION
* THE MILITARY IS THE SOLUTION

And they'll tell you about their 'easy answer" - But listen to Kafir Mr. George:

STICK TO YOUR GUNS DUDES! Get HIP Folks - the "Clerics", the "Emirs" and the "Generals" ONLY WANT TO PLUNDER ALL OF YOUR MONEY! (they've been taking it for centuries so they're not ready to stop now)

Guess what?

THERE ARE NO EASY SOLUTIONS!

Persevere, Work hard, fight and argue, hold town councils, have elections (and if the guy you vote for does not do his job right, THROW THE BUM OUT! And elect someone else!) and FOR THE SAKE OF:

* ALLAH
* GOD
* JEHOVAH

* LET THE PEOPLE RUN THEIR OWN LIVES!
* LET THE PEOPLE GET A GOOD EDUCATION
* LET THE PEOPLE GET A GOOD JOB
* LET THE PEOPLE HAVE DECENT HOUSING
* LET THE PEOPLE HAVE REPRESENTATIVE GOVERNMENT
* LET THE PEOPLE HAVE A CHANCE!

And if the people can do this in Iraq - guess what?

THEY WILL HAVE SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!

And they can forget the shame - in Alcoholics Anonymous we call this "Sitting on the Pitty Pot"!

So STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF, get off your lazy fat (and very well used) arse, roll up your sleeves and

GET TO WORK!

There's a lot to do.

This is your Jihad (struggle) and your Ma'Ma'(the 'Confrontation'_ and you can have it every morning - when you gotta GET UP AND GO TO WORK!)

Bear in mind the words of Thomas Jefferson:

"[The people] are in truth the only legitimate proprietors of the soil and government." --Thomas Jefferson to Pierre Samuel Dupont de Nemours, 1813. ME 19:197

But most of the Muslims just don't have the guts - sad, but true. They're all looking for easy answers, but there are no easy answers. I'm only 54, but I've lived through a lot, been very rich, been homeless, been poor, been middle class and have learned that nothing in life is easy (as my sainted mother used to say).

The real problem with these folks if that they have no FAITH - and without it, you are lost = but with it, anything is within grasp:

Hebrews: Chapter 11
1
1 Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence 2 of things not
seen.
2
Because of it the ancients were well attested.
3
By faith we understand that the universe was ordered by the word of God, 3 so
that what is visible came into being through the invisible.
4
4 By faith Abel offered to God a sacrifice greater than Cain's. Through this he
was attested to be righteous, God bearing witness to his gifts, and through
this, though dead, he still speaks.
5
By faith Enoch was taken up so that he should not see death, and "he was found
no more because God had taken him." Before he was taken up, he was attested to
have pleased God.
6
5 But without faith it is impossible to please him, for anyone who approaches
God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.
7
By faith Noah, warned about what was not yet seen, with reverence built an ark
for the salvation of his household. Through this he condemned the world and
inherited the righteousness that comes through faith.
8
By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to
receive as an inheritance; he went out, not knowing where he was to go.
9
By faith he sojourned in the promised land as in a foreign country, dwelling in
tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs of the same promise;
10
for he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and
maker is God.
11
By faith he received power to generate, even though he was past the normal age -
and Sarah herself was sterile - for he thought that the one who had made the
promise was trustworthy.
12
So it was that there came forth from one man, himself as good as dead,
descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sands on
the seashore.
13
All these died in faith. They did not receive what had been promised but saw it
and greeted it from afar and acknowledged themselves to be strangers and aliens
on earth,
14
for those who speak thus show that they are seeking a homeland.
15
If they had been thinking of the land from which they had come, they would have
had opportunity to return.
16
But now they desire a better homeland, a heavenly one. Therefore, God is not
ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
17
By faith Abraham, when put to the test, offered up Isaac, and he who had
received the promises was ready to offer his only son,
18
of whom it was said, "Through Isaac descendants shall bear your name."
19
6 He reasoned that God was able to raise even from the dead, and he received
Isaac back as a symbol.
20
By faith regarding things still to come Isaac 7 blessed Jacob and Esau.
21
By faith Jacob, when dying, blessed each of the sons of Joseph and "bowed in
worship, leaning on the top of his staff."
22
By faith Joseph, near the end of his life, spoke of the Exodus of the Israelites
and gave instructions about his bones.
23
By faith Moses was hidden by his parents for three months after his birth,
because they saw that he was a beautiful child, and they were not afraid of the
king's edict.
24
8 By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of
Pharaoh's daughter;
25
he chose to be ill-treated along with the people of God rather than enjoy the
fleeting pleasure of sin.
26
He considered the reproach of the Anointed greater wealth than the treasures of
Egypt, for he was looking to the recompense.
27
By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king's fury, for he persevered as if
seeing the one who is invisible.
28
By faith he kept the Passover and sprinkled the blood, that the Destroyer of the
firstborn might not touch them.
29
By faith they crossed the Red Sea as if it were dry land, but when the Egyptians
attempted it they were drowned.
30
By faith the walls of Jericho fell after being encircled for seven days.
31
By faith Rahab the harlot did not perish with the disobedient, for she had
received the spies in peace.
32
What more shall I say? I have not time to tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson,
Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets,
33
who by faith conquered kingdoms, did what was righteous, obtained the promises;
they closed the mouths of lions,
34
put out raging fires, escaped the devouring sword; out of weakness they were
made powerful, became strong in battle, and turned back foreign invaders.
35
Women received back their dead through resurrection. Some were tortured and
would not accept deliverance, in order to obtain a better resurrection.
36
Others endured mockery, scourging, even chains and imprisonment.
37
They were stoned, sawed in two, put to death at sword's point; they went about
in skins of sheep or goats, needy, afflicted, tormented.
38
The world was not worthy of them. They wandered about in deserts and on
mountains, in caves and in crevices in the earth.
39
Yet all these, though approved because of their faith, did not receive what had
been promised.
40
God had foreseen something better for us, so that without us they should not be
made perfect.

O YE MUSLIMS!

Forsake your ideology of murder and death - COME TO JESUS AND BE SAVED!

Fear not, for I am with you. I have called you by name, you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I shall be with you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flames scorch you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43:1b-3a

The Muslims remain essentially backward tribesmen after all these centuries. THE MUSLIMS IN AMERICAN PRESENT A LETHAL DANGER FOR US ALL:

THE MUSLIMS ALL WANT TO DIE FOR ALLAH!

LET'S HELP THEM OUT!!!

Praise the Lord and God Bless America

5.
* Social Change in Iran
* By Behzad Yaghmain
* State University of NY, 2002

6.
* Foreign Policies of Middle Eastern States
* Ed by R. Hinnebush & A. Ehtenhaml
* Lynne Rierner Publications, 2002

A Future for Saddam
By Mr. George M Weinert V

Now that Hussein's progeny, Huday and Qusay are eday and safely locked in HELL we must address problem of "What to do" with Saddam Hussein:

I HAVE A GREAT IDEA!!

Remember we have to be concerned with the future of poor Saddam. If you study his life, you'll find that his is just a simple country boy who joined the resistance attempting to engineer a coup d'etat in Iraq in the 1950's because he couldn't get a job and they were the only guys in Iraq that had a bathtub.

Hussein enjoys quasi-mythical status in Iraq thanks to his ever-present portrait and influence. There are a number of feature length films shown on Iraqi TV and in theatres that detail his ONE AND ONLY real accomplishment in life - the attempted assassination of the ruler in power in the 1960's. I've seen parts of it and it is quite rousing, portraying a brave, handsome and virile young Saddam who is wounded in this attempted coup, flees into the Iraq desert (clenching a dagger in his teeth yet), swims across a raging river and finally finds refuge in a Mosque (where the Clerics have pity on this poor homeless boy). It's quite a piece of mindless propaganda but the Iraqis seem to enjoy this sort of infantile adventure and like being entertained and brain-washed at the same time.

This grand mystique, however could prove very advantageous for all concerned. Since Saddam already has an international rep with some of the more dim-witted folks he can NOW HAVE A FUTURE AND EVEN GET A JOB!

Now it we do have a peaceful settlement, and Hussein gets away, he's gonna have a BIG PROBLEM - HE WILL HAVE TO FINALLY GET A JOB! This atavistic anthropoid has NO EDUCATION to speak of (he dropped out of high school, and though he does hold a college degree, he got it by marching into the university president's office with 12 of his armed goons and simply demanding one and of course the university gladly complied) and no marketable job skills so this will create a real problem.

So if we exclude the highly competitive positions of tyrant, dictator, president, faghib, "Supreme Leader", killer and thug the job prospects for Hussein look bleak indeed!

Now here's MY IDEA:

Maybe we can offer Hussein a CABLE TV SHOW? Now I'm not really sure if they have a sect of "born again" or "saved" Muslims but if not, Saddam can always start one! Heck, he sure has more credentials than some of the myopic "Mullahs" in Afghanistan, so this ought to be a breeze!

Perhaps it could be "The Hussein Holy Hour", "Spirituality with Saddam", "Reflections on Jihad" or some other witty Iraqism. Who knows?

Now I don't know if there is a 'born again' or 'saved' faction with Islam but if there is not, Saddam can always start one; he does have some very convincing associates. As a 'Born Again" Muslim TV Preacher, he could expound on the many benefits of His Special version of Islam such as:

1) As Many wives as you can afford
2) As many concubines and mistresses as you can handle
3) Beheadings in the Public Square
4) Cuttinf off of hands, legs, ears and other offensive body parts
5) License to rape, rob and kill all 'infidels'
6) Religiously sanctioned political imprisonment, torture and murder
7) An eternal reward in a 'heaven' filled with oversexed virgins and young boys for male pleasure
8) Hashish and Opium at Daily Prayer

Now he already has plenty of videos to show of his 'political' prisoners being tortured and killed and it ought to be no problem for him to arrange for 'guest spots' from sweethearts like Mullah Omar, bin Laden (don't worry, Hussein knows where he is), Arafat and lots more as well.

If he's smart and brings some of his "Republican Guard" out of Iraq with him, they can do LIVE demonstrations on how they gassed, robbed, raped and killed innocent Kurds and bayoneted small babies (this for the late night crowd only of course!) If Saddam has been on his toes, he probably has many videos of these events to watch late at night with his mistress (Before he takes his Viagra).

These professional goons could also demonstrate their best techniques for looting and plundering. They can also offer many tips on how to brutalize and kill captives as they did in Kuwait.

It wouldn't be too difficult for him to contact some of his sultan pals in Saudi and get a few dozen harem concubines and dancers on loan and assemble a Muslim Version of the "Rockettes" complete with authentic belly dancing and veil peeling.

Remember also that a lof of these folks make great rugs and some even know how to fly them so this offers great potential for assorted variety acts, complete with turbaned Bedouins in full desert gear.

Let's not forget all those great tricks they can do with the camels, and it is rumored that their goat herders can handle a ram like no other.

Perhaps we can start him off small, say with an early Sunday morning Holy Hour on some cheesy cable channel but this can grow as billions of people become aware of it.

Once things get rolling, he can go prime time, get into books, cassettes and videos carrying the message of his MURDEROUS VERSION OF ISLAM and will be on easy street fast!

He'll need a sidekick of course and it is rumored that Tariq Aziz can do a great snake charming act when he's not busy lying though his teeth so this one ought to be a snap.

Heck, this dude can be the next MUSLIM BILLY SUNDAY! and if his tribe handles it right, make as much or more than he ever could stealing the oil profits! Someone's gotta make the offer, though!

Now I know this is going to be a great cultural shock for the Supreme Leader - he HAS NEVER HELD A REAL JOB IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE. I know some good folks that can get him into the "Welfare to Work" program at the Illinois Department of Public Aid for some job readiness skills training. He'll have to do it anyway, since his food stamp benefits will be cancelled if he fails to look for REAL WORK.

You've heard of CBN (Christian Broadcasting Network)? Wow this guy could even pioneer MCN (the Muslim Cable Network). Wow, this is hot!

So we make Saddam this offer and show him HOW MANY DINARS he can make in a week, and he's gonna FORGET ALL ABOUT ANY FUTURE LIFE AS A DICTATOR AND COME TO THE USA TO MAKE THE BIG BUCKS!

Can I get nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize now, Ollie?

Osama, This is Your Life
By George M Weinert V
Khandahar, Afghanistan Thursday, July 22, 2004

Out staff at RN News is proud to post this report on a new smash hit on Afghani national television, THIS IS YOUR LIFE.
.
This nascent national television network has been plagued with the enormous task of designing programming that is both appealing to the miniscule urban educated Elite and the rural illiterates that compromise over 95% of the population. A mix of soap operas, Arabic Holy Warrior adventures and Qur'ranic cartoon shows has proven highly successful but a shortage of creative minds has led to the resurrection of some Classics from the Golden Age of Television in the Infidel USA.

A few months ago, while Prime Minister of Carrier Pigeons and Advanced Communications Hatah Zinuh Mohammed Catahkz was sharing his morning opium pipe with a local drug smuggler from Tajiskstan they hit on a brilliant idea. Minister Hatah and his boyfriend had been watching old VOA reruns and was introduced to this great American Classic from the Golden Years of TV and was inspired to produce a Central Asian Islamist version of this beloved American show with a uniquely Pashtun 1 flavor.

We now bring you this exclusive report on this new Smash Hit

Television viewers across Afghanistan have been thrilled and delighted by a totally new Afghani Version of the American Television 1950's hit "This is Your Life". The host, Dr. Qazi Hassein Ahmed Mohammed Mufti Khan is an old veteran of Asian media and brings over 25 years of telegraph and ham radio experience to his new role as media superstar. The show opens with a reading from the Holy Qur'ran by Imam Gul Nishat, a nationally respected head of the "Bad-e-Naseem" 2 deemi madari 3 in Khost. Featuring a salubrious chorus line of 72 well endowed virgins in full burqas, 4 the show begins with a rousing Pawanda 5 dance number, accompanied by an indigenous orchestra of drums, finger cymbals and cave logs as the featured weekly celebrity is introduced.

The first episode had been pre-taped in the NWFP 6 and proved to be a smash hit, with Amirul Momineen 7 Osama bin Laden as the featured guest. By Special agreement with the Council of Islamist Media And Goat Sterilization we are pleased to share a bit of this historic transcript:

Host Khan: O Ye Muslims! Marhaba. 8 We are pleased to share the event-filled life of a TRUE ISLAMIC HOLY MAN AND CHAMPION OF GAY RIGHTS - Sheikh Osama bin Laden ("May peace be upon Him") with you tonight. First, Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem 9 let's look into our magic mullah 10 mirror and with the help of my personal Jinn 11 we'll review Sheikh Osamas' blessed and glorious career, Inshallah 12: Let me share a bit of this great holy man's early life.

Sheikh Osama thinks he was born sometime in 1955 though no one seems to be certain. His father, Sheikh Mohammad was a poor talib 13 from a primitive part of South Yemen who hit the big time by bribing local officials and once established in business migrated to Saudi Arabia to get started in government corruption and theft on a truly grand scale. Mohammad Sr. was incredibly horny and had over 48 children from his four wives, all but one of whom died of exhaustion in the early 1960's. Osama thinks his mother was one of the Syrian concubines but is not really sure since it became very difficult to keep track of the many births in the bin Laden family tent. Sheikh bin Laden Sr. owned the largest construction company in the Kingdom and became a billionaire many times over by paying huge financial kickbacks to the Royal Family and providing cheap sex in exchange for securing many huge government contracts. 14

Osama's father was killed in a suspicious helicopter crash in 1968 so poor little Osama was orphaned at the tender age of 13 and left nearly penniless with an inheritance of only $80,000,000.00. Despite this tragic event, the dedicated and studious Osama continued his laborious considerations at King Abdul Aziz University at Jeddah and graduated with a Major in Civil Engineering and a Minor concentration in Camel Husbandry in 1979. The prescient young entrepreneur soon opened the "Bad-e-Simoon" 15 Gay Bar and Call Boy Center in Riyadh and had just started Saudi Arabia's only Islamic Phone Sex Service in 1980 when the Soviet Union invaded Afghanistan, calling all Holy and Devout Muslims to the Jihad. 16

The financial plight of the Afghani Mujahid 17 and the Tawaif-al-Malluki 18 appealed to the felonious nature of bin Laden and the opportunities for drug smuggling seemed limitless so he moved his entire Jabha 19 to Peshawar in 1984. Since Homosexuality was commonly accepted and even religiously sanctioned by Islam in this ancient land his sex business rapidly took root and made him a widely beloved national figure. He was able to secure many AWQAF20 in order to bring thousand of homeless Afghani orphans into his highly successful prostitution service and also provided thousands of oversexed sheep to the local Ulama. 21

When the Soviets finally withdrew from Afghanistan, Sheikh Osama returned to Saudi Arabia and was forced to run his sex business via proxies. In 1990, when one of his star call boys was beheaded for public sex, bin Laden became disillusioned with the strict Wahhabi Fiqah 22 of the Kingdom and began to plot the overthrow of the Ruling House of al-Saud. He was expelled in 1991 for his efforts and eventually stripped of his Saudi citizenship. Holy Sheikh Osama and his nefarious enterprises then migrated to the maghreb dictatorship of Sudan.

When arriving, Sheikh Osama was given a warm welcome by the leading mullahs and scholars of the ruling Islamic dictatorship and set about supporting the large variety of militant groups that had dedicated their lives to global Jihad and Islamist Gay Rights. In May of 1996 the Sudanese government asked Sheikh bin Laden to leave when he refused to pay the required Jizya 23 on four of his busiest male prostitutes, who had recently been imported from France.

In early 1997, Sheikh Osama returned to Afghanistan and settled into a spacious and well-appointed cave in the Hindu Kush mountains. Once the Holy man had outfitted his austere surroundings with satellite phones , high definition television and wireless Internet, he met his old mujahideen comrade and son-in-law, the Blessed Mullah Muhammad Omar Akhund on a business trip to arrange for the shipment of the newly designed inflatable houri 24 dolls with a pre-lubricated anus that his Islamist Sex Toy Company was about to introduce to the Herat province. .

Once the two Holy men had engaged in mutual oral sex, Sheikh Osama once again found the Islamist zeal that had consumed him since his university days and vowed to forever expel all Shirk 25 and Kuffaar 26 from the lands of Dar-al-Salaam 27 and restore the Golden Age of the Islamic Caliphate. This Holy quest became his sole Da'wa 28 and he realized that the Great Haq 29 of his life was to be the Ma'Ma' 30 with the "Great Satan" - the Infidel United States.

Holy Sheikh Osama has dedicated his entire life and considerable finances to strict observance of the Sharia 31, Jihad and unbridled lust and now spends all of his time in prayer and meditation while smoking the pearl opium pipe he has diligently sucked on since early childhood.

After the Devil Jew swine attacked the USA'a World Trade Center in September of 2001, the lies of the American Zionist Press and the EVIL NEOCONS focused attention on this great Holy Man and his luxurious estate in the Hindu Kush mountains along with his summer cave complex in Tora Bora. Both were attacked and totally destroyed by the Great Satan George Bush and his Nazi Army, cruelly killing over 40 innocent mountain goats This noble Holy man is actually just misunderstood and filled with Islamist peace and love for all and even sports a large bumper sticker on his favorite camel that reads:

The unbelievers among the People of the Book and the pagans shall burn for ever in the fire of Hell. They are the vilest of all creatures.
(Koran 98:1-8). .

And now, Alhamdu lillah 32 we present Holy Sheikh Osama Bin Muhammad Bin Awad Bin Laden!

The curtain parts, revealing a 6'6", thin and somewhat gaunt older man with a long white beard carrying a long wooden cane. The imposing figure stares blankly at the cameras and seems to be momentarily blinded by the bright stage lights. After regaining his composure he tentatively steps forward and loudly shouts "Allahu Akbar!" 33 while vigorously scratching his crotch.

"Ahalan wa Sahlan 34 Holy One", Dr. Khan pronounces, "We are honored that a faghib 35 as Blessed as you has joined us here today on THIS IS YOUR LIFE. Could you share a few words of ISLAMIST Wisdom with our devoted Donnabi 36 viewers?"

Sheikh Osama begins to speak but a large wet spot suddenly appears on the front of his white robe and liquid begins to trickle onto the stage. The Holy Man, in an uncharacteristic bit of anger proclaims, "OH DARN! These DAMN US-MADE DIAPERS LEAKED AGAIN!" and he turns to make a hasty exit, leaving a puddle of urine behind him. As the startled audience watches he rushes to the wings but stops abruptly and LOUDLY PROCLAIMS, "DEATH TO AMERICA!" as he angrily shakes his walking stick at the stunned viewers. He then beats a hasty retreat, leaving a startled Dr. Khan alone.

The host professionally comes to the rescue and closes the show by urging his Devote viewers to always remember the Peaceful Words of the Prophet (SWT):

"We shall say: 'Lay hold of him and bind him. Burn him in the fire of Hell, then fasten him with a chain seventy cubits long. For he did not believe Allah the tremendous, and urged not on the feeding of the wretched. Today he shall be friendless here; filth shall be his food, the filth which sinners eat... '
(Koran 69:30-37)

Dr. Khan, in true AMERICAN CAPITALIST PIG fashion then comments, "And now, we pause for a brief word from our new sponsor, the Greater Kabul Islamic Taxi and Rickshaw Service - where every rids is an adventure!"

Well, at least they ARE trying.

---------------------------- 30 ---------------------------------------

1 The dominant Tribe in Afghanistan
2 "Fresh Breeze"
3 Commonly known as "Madrassas" - Islamic schools for the poor
4 Traditional Islamic Dress for women that covers them completely from head to toe
5 "Gypsy dance"
6 Northwest Frontier Provinces
7 "Leader of the Faithful"
8 "Welcome"
9 "In the Name of God, the Merciful, the Compassionate"
10 Yet another title for a Muslim Cleric
11 A "Genie" - though the Islamists have many more fairies
12 If God Wills
13 "student"
14 This is the normal prescription for success in the business communities of Al-Alam
15 "Hot Desert Wind"
16 Holy War in defense of Islam
17 One who fights for the cause of Islam
18 Free for All
19 A group of people - usually a political party
20 Islamic Religious endowments
21 Islamic Clergy
22 Islamic Code of Justice
23 A tax levied on non-Muslims in Islamic lands
24 The Sexual slave girls and boys that Muslims are promised in Islamic heaven
25 Polytheism
26 Infidel
27 The Muslim Ummah or Faithful
28 Call or Creed
29 Truth
30 Confrontation
31 Islamic Law
32 Thanks be to God
33 "God is Great!"
34 Welcome
35 big Chief
36 The "Sect" of Islam most common in Afghanistan